


Letters From Friar Karl To The Vatican, In This Time Of Trouble

by kittydesade



Category: Van Helsing (2004)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-22
Updated: 2012-12-22
Packaged: 2017-11-22 01:42:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittydesade/pseuds/kittydesade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Friar Karl's account in his letters to the Vatican of what transpired in Transylvania</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters From Friar Karl To The Vatican, In This Time Of Trouble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OperaOtaku](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OperaOtaku/gifts).



Most Eminent Cardinal Jinette,

We've arrived in the town whose name I can't spell (but I'm sure it's in your records somewhere), which is a rather quaint and run-down little village in the shadow of an enormous spooky castle. The castle I think belongs to Dracula, but the architecture of it suggests to me that it would be spooky even without its vampiric master. At any rate, it seems the town is being kept under some sort of thrall by Dracula and his three brides who assist him in raining terror down on the inhabitants. Van Helsing dispatched one, leaving very little in the way of a body to examine, but there are two others remaining, and I worry that they might come back for vengeance.

We also met a young woman who claims to be a gypsy princess. Of course, that's an assumed title, but she also claims to be a Valerious, the descendant of that same Valerious whose son was so afflicted centuries ago. She's become a monster slayer herself, and judging by what I've seen she's really quite good at it. She gave the vampire bride a good fight before Van Helsing skewered her to a belfry. The vampire bride, that is, not the so-called gypsy princess.

I should say, the villagers were not at all grateful for our having destroyed one of their vampires. It seems they had a bargain with the monster, that it would take one or two villagers a year to sustain itself and leave the rest alone, and now they think, as I do, that the vampire and his brides will come back to take revenge on the town. I suppose that's not so unreasonable. The vengeance, I mean. It's not as though Van Helsing hasn't had oaths of vengeance sworn against him for years.

Anyway, the other strange thing is that the vampires seemed very keen on taking off with this Anna Valerious. If you could see to sending me the original documents on the knight Valerious I could perhaps work up some guesses as to why Dracula wants her so badly. 

I remain respectfully yours,

Friar Karl

  


  


My Lord Cardinal Jinette,

The most extraordinary thing happened the other night, regarding that Anna Valerious I wrote to you about earlier. (And if you could see to hurrying along that collection of documents by courier, I would much appreciate it. Or send a summary of the information, either would do.) As it turns out, her brother and the only other remaining Valerious is a werewolf in Dracula's employ! Or enslaved to him, we weren't too certain on that point and we didn't exactly have time to stop for a chat. Van Helsing took the unusual but appropriate measure of drugging Anna Valerious in order to keep her in the castle until they could hunt safely in the daylight, but it seems her brother sniffed her out and tracked her to the castle. Though I suppose it could be that he lived here before he was turned. It's very difficult to tell just how much of his previous life a werewolf remembers when one's running for one's life and trying not to be eaten by the werewolf in question.

It turns out the spooky castle belongs to the old Valerious, who amassed quite the collection of werewolf and vampire memorabilia. His library must have been started at least as far back as when he first made his pact, and though he hasn't yet succeeded no one can say he wasn't giving it a good try. I haven't gone through all of the details yet, but he might very well have found a way to kill Dracula, and then been killed himself before he could manage it. I have to dig deeper to uncover it, though. 

And while I'm on the subject of killing monsters, Anna claims that Dracula has a cure for the werewolf curse. We haven't yet figured out why exactly Dracula would keep a werewolf cure on hand, though, and that seems to me an important thing to address before we go beating down the monster's door. Sadly, Anna and Van Helsing don't see it that way. Are you sure he wasn't dropped on his head as a child? 

I'll keep looking around the Valerious castle for the cure, but Anna listed off quite an extensive collection of ways they've tried to kill Dracula before, so this may need help from a knowledgeable source, if you take my meaning. I'm sure you have some young novice ransacking the archives as we speak, but we could do with a little more haste. I'll also be looking for any information on a werewolf cure, as Valerious seems to have taken a liking to werewolves recently, and if you could send that along as well.

I remain, yours under God,

Friar Karl

  


  


Most Eminent Cardinal Jinette,

Did you know, this land is rather full of creepy castles? Some of them are even inhabited. With these ugly little creatures that Anna calls Dwergi, and she says they're Dracula's twisted little toadies. I can't say I much blame anyone for having a bad temper if they have to live in these poorly lit, cold and drafty castles all of the time, particularly with these Dwergi things. 

But that's not what I'm writing to you about. It seems Dracula's been quite the busy little bat, performing all sorts of experiments and getting up to ~~orgies~~ ~~lots and lots of sex~~ mischief in order to take over the land and perhaps the world with the assistance of his children. I didn't know vampires could breed, and it does seem he's having rather a lot of trouble with it, hence, the Frankenstein monster. Which I will now tell you about.

It seems some time ago Dracula set himself up as patron to one Doctor Frankenstein, who created a monster stitched together from the bodies of seven men. At least we think there are seven men in there. We haven't stopped to take an accurate count. At any rate, Dracula needs this monster now in order to provide some sort of life charge to his offspring. I don't understand it and I don't think it makes scientific sense, but that's what he thinks will happen if he can capture Frankenstein's monster and strap him into his lightning catching contraption. He tried it with Anna's brother, the werewolf, but it didn't work, and all of that group of offspring died. According to Frankenstein's monster, Dracula has thousands of the little buggers, and will try again if he's able to capture this monster.

And no, Van Helsing didn't simply kill the monster, although between you and me that might have been the more sensible approach. But you know how stubborn he is. Then again, it's possible the monster can't be killed at all, so there you go.

In the course of all of this Dracula finally managed to kidnap the Valerious girl, and you know how Van Helsing is about beautiful ladies in the clutches of monsters, so it's off to Dracula's castle now to fetch her out and try and stop him from unleashing thousands of tiny vampire babies and their teeth on the world. I do think Anna Valerious is quite capable of rescuing herself, but the vampire babies issue does require attention, and there are other matters. Speaking of which, Van Helsing wouldn't want me telling you this, but he's gone and gotten himself infected with the werewolf curse, so he also needs Dracula's antidote, presuming of course that it exists. But don't tell Van Helsing I mentioned it. He'd like to deal with it himself, which I think is a remarkably boneheaded and ignorant idea, but you know there's no telling him anything. 

If we don't survive, which is very likely, I've written up all of my notes thus far and sent them on by donkey cart. So they should reach you by spring.

Yours in hope,

Friar Karl

  


  


Most Eminent Cardinal Jinette,

I'm not quite sure how to explain this. Though I do believe the Valerious family has taken their well-earned place at the table of our Lord, the entire Valerious family is now dead. Dracula's werewolf antidote has been applied and Van Helsing is quite himself again, or as much himself as he ever was in the first place, but Frankenstein's monster remains at large and Anna Valerious died in the course of battling Dracula and his remaining brides. There was, of course, nothing I could have done, although I do believe my research and the well-stocked library of the Valerious castle played a part in Dracula's ultimate demise.

At any rate, we may consider Transylvania safely rid of monsters and the ancient curse put to rest, with the Valerious family well redeemed. Though when we return, I would beg Your Eminence's indulgence to sequester myself for a short time to pray God's mercy for allowing his _archangel_ to be turned into a werewolf. Really, you could have warned me. At least a little.

Yours in God's sight,

Friar Karl


End file.
